The biggest issues in a young home almost always find a way to get connected to sex and intercourse. Infidelity, pregnancy and even day to day chemistry are very much linked to sex so whether we admit it or not, it’s always going to be an important topic.
Those of us who were bad kids probably learnt most of our early skills from Lolly, better lover,Mills & Boon, hints and hearts (don’t worry if you don’t know them, you were an obedient child). The irony is that those magazines did not have the desired long term effect that many of us anticipated, we still became very average lovers and “straffers” so what was the point of it all other than immature agro that led to masturbation, unreal fantasies and sex, F9 sex. Anyway, to the people who were obedient children and waited till they got married, it was worth the wait right? (Yaay) Welcome to the club.
It will take some getting used to but you will soon be a pro like the rest of us, that’s the assumption but what happens when the upgrade to a pro takes forever ro worse when it comes faster than that of the partner? ask many of us, we have been here for long and we are still newbies. By now, all the good people have stopped reading so let’s begin the real post abeg.
Wait, women, why don’t y’all discuss sex with your men? as a counselor, the biggest issue by a very wide gap is that of sex, people looking for ways to improve their men. Sister, ain’t no way to improve a man who doesn’t know that he needs to improve! and many of us do not know. That last statement is so scary, anybody can be a victim. Unfortunately, women are terrified of telling their partners of their score. Let me spell it out, we think we are lions even when we are pussycats so if you do not tell us, everybody would be in trouble. A man smiling out after one round tired like a yeye boss and a grumpy woman in bed just vexing for nothing. Man feeling like he has touched down, wife feeling like “wake me up when September ends” yet nobody talking it out, to do is to court major major wahala. First, many men have an orientation problem so the fact that they married hijabis or “sisters in the Lord” means these wives of theirs do not know (and cannot know). Brothers, y’all married humans o, hijab or born again no follow for agro matter, that’s just nature. When the lights go off and the clothes follow, the only thing that matters is “touch down” and touch down ye must. We are so unwilling to accept anything less than a distinction that many of us will read this post and pity “them” when maybe, we are them. Ladies and not so gentlemen, there is a big hole in the home if intercourse is poor and one party knows it but cannot mention it either for the fear of bruising an ego or getting physically bruised. There have been cases where people have chosen to go solo on self development in this department from books and journals, only for partners to meet the improvement with bad suspicion so please, let your partner know whatever self improvement you are engaging in. If there’s a book to be read, do it together or worst case, let your partner know what you are reading and why you are reading it.
I get and understand the fears but eventually, you are going to have to discuss this issue. There’s more to marriage than sex but survey shows that people who pay attention to their sex life find it easier to navigate marital issues.
So ask your partner “sweetheart, is there anything else you want?” and be sincere about it.